Grief and Healing Through the Bench

"A Grandfather Helped Me To Find My Laugh Again"

I sat on the Bench shortly after my mother’s passing. I had been planning for the inevitable like most people through paying for her funeral insurance, but I missed a few payments, and the policy lapsed, so when my mother passed on, the insurance did not cover anything. At that time, my husband was unemployed, making an already difficult situation more distressing. We even struggled to get bus fare to travel to Lupane for the funeral. 

I arrived in Lupane with nothing – an anomaly in my culture, my family simply could not understand my predicament. My mother still had to be buried so our relatives paid for the funeral, but this was also accompanied by very unkind and hurtful words. I felt like I had failed my mother because I couldn't even help her in the end. This really bothered me, and I started thinking a lot. 

When I returned home, I was deeply troubled. A neighbor told me about a Friendship Bench grandfather (Khulu/ Sekuru) and recommended that I speak to him. I had no money and was hesitant to go, but my neighbor informed me that it was free and insisted that I give it a chance.  

When I started experiencing suicidal thoughts, I reached out to the grandfather and we started talking, I opened up about my thoughts and problems and through many sessions he helped me. 

I found myself laughing again, I even decided to start a garden to keep me busy. Through sitting on the Bench and talking with the grandfather I found healing. The people I thought would comfort and support me hurt me, but I found a safe space through the Bench.